script
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
[
bottom
]
BEEFART & CHEENKAW - WORLD OF THE UNCANNY
1 HOUSE OF THE UNCANNY 1
The film opens with the house of the uncanny
opening sequence and Nathaniel Weisburg introducing
tonight's episode...
NATHANIEL WEISBURG
Good evening and welcome to
The House of the Uncanny, I
am Nathaniel Weisburg.
Tonight is a very special
episode of House of the
Uncanny. You will see sights
that you never thought
possible. Experience things
so unbelievably diabolical
that they defy the definition
of diabolical, you will be
treated to a terror that only
lives in the blackest of
heart and you will get
shivers down your spine like
that of a thousand skeletons
walking over your grave. The
incidents that are about to
be seen are a reenactment of
a true tale.. And this film
has been lost for over 60
years... It was only played
once.. In the basement of a
haunted house. That night, a
fire consumed everyone there,
and the only print of the
film was thought to be gone
forever. But I, Nathaniel
Weisburg have found it for
you to witness.
Some say it is cursed, and
others fear that the souls of
those who worked on the film
will punish anyone who dares
to witness this bit of
history. Please enjoy this
presentation of...
2 BEEFART AND CHEENKAW WATCHING HOUSE OF THE UNCANNY 2
You can see that the previous scene is just a
program on the television in Beefart & Cheenkaw's
office. Nathaniel Weisburg finished his sentence
'Blood in the Sink' and the movie starts. Cheenkaw
speaks over the title.
CHEENKAW
This guy doesn't know what he
is talking about.. He's a
charlatan and a fool.
BEEFART
You said it Cheenkaw. He must
make all this stuff up. I'm
sure I have seen this movie
before. Lost for 60 years my
foot!
CHEENKAW
Never the less Beefart,
Watching a good film about
supernatural terrors makes a
nice quiet change of pace
from having to deal with it
in person. Now give me a
bloody doughnut and lets
watch a fantastic film old
friend!
Beefart hands him a doughnut.
BEEFART
Let's do it!
3 OPENING CREDITS 3
Some kind of stylized credits that do not take very
long to roll.
4 MYSTIC KATE'S HUT 4
Laura McKnees is passed out under a blanket, she is
in Mystic Kate's hut, there is stuff everywhere.
Laura is hurt badly. Mystic Kate is an older woman
who wears mystical clothes, she is tending to
Laura's wounds. Laura suddenly opens her eyes.
MYSTIC KATE
I was beginning to think you
might never wake up again.
LAURA MCKNEES
Where am I.. Who are you?
MYSTIC KATE
My name's Kate. I found you
washed up by the lake.. You
were beaten up pretty bad.
That was 3 days ago. Do you
have a name?
Laura thinks for a while.
LAURA MCKNEES
I can't remember.. I can't
remember anything!
MYSTIC KATE
That's alright dear.. I'm not
surprised considering the
state your head was in when I
found you. Someone took an
awful beating to you and left
you for dead in the lake it
seems.
LAURA MCKNEES
It's not alright! I don't
even know who I am!
I might have a family.. Or I
don't know.. What ever people
have!
She checks her pants.
LAURA MCKNEES (cont'd)
I didn't have a wallet..
Nothing at all to identify
me?
MYSTIC KATE
No.. Nothing at all.. You
were holding on to this...
(She reaches and
grabs for the
device, which is now
broken)
But I don't know what it is,
either way, it's broken
whatever it was.
LAURA MCKNEES
What should I do?
MYSTIC KATE
Well first things first, you
need a name... Any ideas?
LAURA MCKNEES
What was your name again?
MYSTIC KATE
Kate.
LAURA MCKNEES
That's a nice name.
MYSTIC KATE
And it's mine.. Try again.
LAURA MCKNEES
I have no idea.
(she swats a mosquito
that has landed on
her arm)
How about Mosquito.
MYSTIC KATE
Mosquito it is then.
LAURA MCKNEES
No, I was only joking.
MYSTIC KATE
Too late.. Your name's
Mosquito. It's a good name..
Suits you.. You had hundreds
of them on you when I found
you. Makes sense.
LAURA MCKNEES
No.. I was just being silly.
MYSTIC KATE
What's done is done.. You be
Mosquito, and I be Kate, and
you still have some recovery
to get through before we get
down to business.
THE MOSQUITO
Fine. Wait.. What business?
MYSTIC KATE
I saved your life young lady,
and I expect you to return
the favour.
THE MOSQUITO
Don't think I don't
appreciate it.. Because I do.
But this isn't anything
creepy is it?
MYSTIC KATE
Nothing like that. It'll
benefit you as much as me..
Trust me. In a lot of ways...
I've been waiting for you all
my life, Mosquito.
The Mosquito thinks about what Kate has told her
and nods with some sort of agreement that she
barely understands. She lays back down to get some
more sleep.
5 SILK AND MARLA'S HOUSE 5
Silk and Marla live in a very small room in
someone's house. Marla is putting on make up in a
mirror and getting ready for work. Silk comes
through the door.
MARLA
Getting home just as I'm
leaving for work... I thought
you were off like 4 hours
ago.
Silk is in a bit of a daze.
SILK
Yeah.. I think I was.
MARLA
Man.. Ever since you started
that job you have been weird
and tired all the time. Do
you even remember what you
did all day?
SILK
Yeah. I was at work.. At the
TV station.. You know.. Doing
TV station stuff. I don't
know.
MARLA
(Quizzing him)
What's your boss's name?
SILK
I don't know...
MARLA
What's the name of the
program you work on?
SILK
Something stupid.
MARLA
How much do you get paid?
SILK
Umm... They haven't told me
yet.. I don't think.
MARLA
These are a lot of things you
don't seems to know about a
place you go every day for
like 12 hours.
SILK
That is a bit odd isn't it?
MARLA
Do you want me to come down
there with you some day and
see what's happening?
SILK
No.. No.. This is silly.. I
am just working too hard..
Besides you would never get
past the security.
MARLA
Security? Can't I just go in
for a tour or something?
SILK
I don't think so.. I don't
think it's like that.
MARLA
Well, this is freaky and
weird, and maybe you just
shouldn't keep going to a
place that doesn't seem to
even exist.
SILK
It's okay... We need to money
to pay for this stupid
expensive room anyway. And
lucky charms.. I like lucky
charms. You wouldn't want me
to starve.
MARLA
Well.. After we finish up
this case, I'm gonna ask the
guys to look in to your
work.. No one would ever
know.
SILK
Just don't get me fired.
MARLA
Don't worry... They will be
discrete.. They are masters
of the art of detection.
6 BEEFART AND CHEENKAW IN A FOREST 6
Beefart & Cheenkaw are in a forest waiting for
Marla.
BEEFART
Where the hell is she.. She
was supposed to be here like
7 minutes ago.
CHEENKAW
Easy my friend, she will show
up.. She always does. And in
the mean time.. I have a plan
to help draw out the elusive
Goat Man from hiding.
BEEFART
Are you sure you want to do
that before the whole trap
has been set?
CHEENKAW
Don't worry about a thing,
this will only stir up his
nerves a bit. I estimate that
Marla will arrive in 5
minutes giving us plenty of
time to avoid becoming the
latest victims. Now watch
closely Beefart, During my
time at the Maui county
sheriff's department I was
put in contact with a man by
the name of Peter the
Feeder.. And he taught me
this extremely accurate goat
call.
Cheenkaw makes an extremely accurate goat call. The
Goat man, who is about 50 feet away and eating a
human body part looks up, drops the body part and
starts sniffing the air and walking around.
BEEFART
Cheenkaw, you astound me with
your abilities and charm.
CHEENKAW
Beefart, I know.
Just then Marla comes up from behind them.
MARLA
Sorry I'm late, Something
strange is up with my
boyfriend's work.
BEEFART
We will sort that out for you
in due time Marla... Right
now we need you to lay on the
ground over there and cry
like a baby. Don't worry, we
will be right here.
MARLA
Alright.. But next time it's
your turn Beefart.
BEEFART
Marla, it was my turn last
time.
Marla runs over a few feet away, lays on the ground
and cries like a baby while Beefart and Cheenkaw
hide behind a tree. The Goat man sees Marla and
starts in closer to her.
CHEENKAW
Beefart, you better get out
the Goat Man immobilizer that
we spent all last week
making.
BEEFART
I thought you brought it.
They look at each other.
CHEENKAW
No worries.. We can do this
the old fashioned way.
BEEFART
Ten Four Cheenkaw.
Beefart grabs a branch and runs at the Goat Man
just as he is about to pounce on Marla. Beefart
starts hitting him with it over and over.
BEEFART (cont'd)
You're a BAD Goat Man!
Cheenkaw walks over and handcuffs him.
MARLA
Where is the Goat Man
Immobilizer that I spent all
last week making?
CHEENKAW
We scrapped the Immobilizer
idea and went with the branch
hitting idea.. He seemed like
less of a threat that we had
first imagined.
MARLA
But he has killed 17 people!
BEEFART
But he hasn't killed us.. and
he won't be killing anyone
ever again.. Will you Goat
Man?
The Goat Man just makes goat noises.
7 THE MOSQUITO IS BORN... AGAIN! 7
The Mosquito and Mystic Kate are in the hut having
tea.
MYSTIC KATE
There's evil in this world,
Mosquito. Like the evil that
took away your past. Some
evil makes sense, some evil
has a beginning a middle and
an end.
Some times you can get to the
root of it, pull it out and
understand how it grows. But
sometimes evil is just evil.
THE MOSQUITO
I don't understand what you
are getting at.
MYSTIC KATE
There's a very bad man in
this world. He plants evil,
lets it grow and uses it to
season his soup.. If you get
my meaning.
THE MOSQUITO
No.. Please explain further.
MYSTIC KATE
The name of this evil is...
Maybe I shouldn't say it out
loud. I'm not a paranoid
woman, and I'm not weak...
I'd break your arm if you
gave me reason.. But this man
is at the root of it all, and
he needs to be stopped.
Mystic Kate writes down the name on a piece of
paper and hands it to The Mosquito.
THE MOSQUITO
How does this all concern me?
MYSTIC KATE
Mosquito.. When you first
came back to the waking
world, I told you that you
would owe me a debt. I've
thought it over, and I would
like to change that. What I
would like from you,
Mosquito, is a favour.
If you don't want to do this
task willingly, you won't do
it with your heart. And the
only thing that could
vanquish this kind of evil is
a pure heart.
THE MOSQUITO
You want me to defeat this
man for you? But I am just a
person.. For all I know I
might be nothing but a banker
or something. From what I
have seen, Kate, you are a
heck of a lot more capable
than I would be for a task
such as this.
MYSTIC KATE
That's only part two of the
favour. You see, Mosquito,
back in the old days, they
called me Mystic Kate. Would
you like to guess why.
THE MOSQUITO
Maybe because you were mystic
somehow?
MYSTIC KATE
Indeed. Actually I was the
most powerful mystic who ever
lived... For a time. Before
he took that away from me.
THE MOSQUITO
Go on...
MYSTIC KATE
All my powers were stolen by
that man, and I have lived
without them ever since. That
was over 25 years ago.
But what that man didn't know
was that I had just a little
bit of magic left over.. In
the toe of my boot. And
Mosquito, I have been holding
on to it this whole time.
Waiting for a champion to
help me.
THE MOSQUITO
And you think I'm that
champion?
MYSTIC KATE
I do. I could see it in your
mosquito filled eyes when I
pulled you out of the river.
You have life in you! Anyone
else would have died, given
up, and drown. But there was
something inside you forcing
you to hold on.
THE MOSQUITO
That doesn't make me a
champion.
MYSTIC KATE
But a little something in the
bottom of a 25 year old boot
might.
THE MOSQUITO
What do you suggest?
MYSTIC KATE
I suggest I use the very last
of my powers on you to make
you that champion.. My
champion.. champion of the
world.
THE MOSQUITO
(looking at the paper
she was given and
seriously
considering what she
had just been told)
I'll do it.
You can see the paper now.. It has the name
Nathaniel Weisburg written on it.
8 BEEFART AND CHEENKAW'S OFFICE 8
Beefart & Cheenkaw have a beautiful office. They
have been doing great work recently and made a lot
more money than they are used to. Beefart, Cheenkaw
and Marla are all sitting down hanging out.
CHEENKAW
Now that the Goat Man is
behind bars I suggest we
order in some chinese food
and have a small celebration.
BEEFART
Agreed. Marla, would you
please do us the honors?
MARLA
Sure thing guys.
She turns around towards the phone and it starts
ringing.
BEEFART
You don't think that is
Wong's house of Spicy meat
and beans calling us do you?
CHEENKAW
Beefart! Wong may be a
powerful psychic, but that is
going too far.
BEEFART
You're right Cheenkaw..
You're right.
Marla gets the phone.
MARLA
Oh hi Chief.
(Put's her hand over
the phone and looks
over to Beefart and
Cheenkaw and
whispers loudly)
It's the Chief. Yeah.. How's
your wound? Thats good.
Okay.. Okay.. I'll let them
know.
Marla hangs up the phone.
MARLA (cont'd)
The Chief wanted to thank you
for capturing the Goat Man,
and he wanted to warn you
that there is rumor of a lot
of potential robberies going
down soon.
BEEFART
I'm getting a little tired of
doing the Police's work for
them frankly.
CHEENKAW
At least we are getting
steady pay. But I know what
you mean. Like do those lazy
bastards do anything at all
any more?
MARLA
We don't have time for any of
our own clients any more.
And actually Cheenkaw, we
would be making more money if
we concentrated on those
people rather than doing the
police work.
BEEFART
Regardless, we still need to
celebrate. Marla, would you
mind Calling Wong's?
MARLA
Sorry guys, I have to go see
my Astrophysics Professor and
go over my paper with him..
I'm already late.
CHEENKAW
Next time then Marla, you
shall have a feast with us
and celebrate our victory.
MARLA
Okay! See you guys!
Marla leaves in a hurry.
CHEENKAW
Shall we call Wong's, old
friend?
BEEFART
You better believe it.
9 THE MOSQUITO IS BORN YET AGAIN........ 9
There is a blinding light and when it dies down you
can see that The Mosquito is now in exciting new
clothes and looks far more like a super hero.
Mystic Kate looks burnt out.
THE MOSQUITO
I can feel the power coursing
through my body.. It is
unbelievable!
MYSTIC KATE
You are truly the hero I was
waiting for, Mosquito. Now
go.. Go to the city and
defeat our enemy.
THE MOSQUITO
You are coming to.. Aren't
you?
MYSTIC KATE
I must stay here and gather
my strength, the spell took
much out of me that I need to
put back. I am only but a
thought away.
THE MOSQUITO
I will stay in contact, Kate.
You are a true friend.
The Mosquito leaves.
MYSTIC KATE
Good luck...
[
top
| next
]
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.